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Married 11 years. This is my one and only love. He proposed
to me on a playground. This was the man who taught me the
meaning of love. We were a part of what God truly meant to
be as husband and wife. My best friend, an aura of comfort
as I held him in my arms. Every physical and spiritual
fulfillment in a man I ever wanted. Not once did I want
anyone else. No one could take his place.
We were to renew our vows. I practiced for months, my new
vows-I would repeat them in the car, or in the grocery store
silently. I could not wait to begin our next years with good
histories, and good hearts. To show him in renewed vows how
over many years, ups and downs, I held solid in my devotion.
And then promises were broken.
At first I focused mainly on how I couldn't even breathe
without him. A pattern of hurtful words, plans never made
and even an affair. I endured pulling him back from someone
else's arms, his eyes so sincere with lies, his words so
very melodical and spellbinding. I listened believing every
word he said. I crushed every time he entered a room. I
could not see or believe what was going on. No Christmas
presents, no birthday presents, no anniversary plans carried
through, talking to me like I was a stranger, a list too
long to share.
I often asked myself, 'What did I do?' or 'Why did he do
this?' It took a while for me to figure this out. He had
changed. I did not change. My love was still strong. I could
battle all external things, but not the man himself.
His last promise he made was that he was going to come back
to me and we would live together always, never to be apart,
grow old together. He told me he cried when he thought of
what a mistake it was he said by telling me goodbye two days
after Christmas. Then just weeks ago he tells me that his
job has become more important and he knows I have a job that
I finally have after years of looking. When a man picks a
job over his wife...well it's time to leave. But that's not
the worst promise broken.
The one thing I asked him not to break was that I asked him
not to put me through any more pain. This was my final
outcome.
I took the final step and decided to walk away. I am ready
now. He has lost the one thing he should have never let go
of. I think I deserve better. I am the one who has no guilt,
or remorse. And it takes my own strength to break the chains
I put on myself by loving a man and forgetting to respect
myself.
There is strength in the power of goodbye, it all begins
with courage.
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