|
A call comes through on the customer service line.
Customer
Service Rep:
Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer:
Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install
love. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep:
Yes, I can
help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer:
Well, I'm not
very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What
do I do first?
CS Rep:
The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
HEART ma'am?
Customer:
Yes I have, but there are several other programs running
right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep:
What programs are running ma'am?
Customer:
Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep:
No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your
permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with
a module of its own called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you
have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer:
I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep:
My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer:
Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep:
Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that
message?
Customer:
Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep:
Yes, but
remember that you have only the base program. You need to
begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the
upgrades.
Customer:
Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep:
What does the message say?
Customer:
It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep:
Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has
not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those
complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms
it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can
"LOVE" others.
Customer:
So what should I do?
CS Rep:
Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer:
Yes, I have it.
CS Rep:
Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer:
Thank you.
CS Rep:
You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT,
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite
any conflicting files and begin patching any programming.
Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all
directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and
never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.
Customer:
Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows
that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves
all over my HEART. Is this normal?
C Rep:
Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is
installed and running. You should be able to handle it from
here. One more thing before I go.
Customer:
Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it
with other people and they will return some similarly cool
modules back to you.
Customer:
I will. Thanks
for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep:
You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The
Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual
checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests
a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
Give a little love away ... keep in touch. |
|
