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Almost 3 yrs ago I let my true love go, not because I didn't
love him, but because at the time I thought it was the right
thing to do. You may have all heard of my story - (Lessons
in true love sometimes means letting go)? Well I still think
of him very much and hurt from the lack of his touch and
from the songs he would sing to me.
This Man was very much In love with me. Every time we were
with each other he would give me his fullest attention and I
would give him mine in return. Everytime we were apart we
would feel that crazy feeling until we would be wrapped up
in each others arms again. Then the day came that we would
say "so-long"... it was not a bad break-up or anything, it
was a heartfelt one, meaning that we parted with broken
hearts because we were still so much In love with each other
He was needed by his children who lived thousands of miles
away from me and I have children here where they needed to
be at the time because their father was here too, (not
living with me). I had no choice but to stay, at least
that’s what I thought at the time.
After Rick had left I waited for a call or an email,
anything that would let me know he was safe, but I never
received anything from him for a long time. I started
thinking, was it only me hurting as bad as it seemed? I
would talk to his friend Jay and ask, "has he heard from
Rick?", 'yes! and he is doing fine.'
I was so hurt that he would call Jay and not me because I
thought he would be more concerned about me and how I was
getting on with my life.
I kept getting news from Jay about what Rick was doing but
still no word, then I heard that Rick found himself a lady!
My heart broke.
After 6 months I came to terms with it - at least I thought
I come to terms that it was over. I had started leaning on
my best 'online - male friend, Ken'. We started getting
serious about each other after a few months, maybe because
at the time we were just two lonely people. In the meantime
things were getting really bad at home, my ex was harassing
me and I started getting concerned for my childs mental
health, and my own, so I did what I thought at the time was
best for us. I moved to another state which gave my Daughter
an advantage because her grades went up and she had many
dreams fulfilled and Ken treated me good but seemed always
frustrated with me because he is so set in his ways ( which
he never showed me online, but not in a bad way, just a
snobbish kind of way at times).
During some times Ken is very good to me and I do Love him.
After being here a few months Rick showed up online and we
started talking as friends even now deep down I was upset
with him but I pretended to be over him.
These are the childish things all of us do sometimes in life
I guess, but a year later we started opening up again. Rick
now lives with another woman and he loves her very much they
have even just completed upon a home they bought to live in
and his children have given him a lot of grief since his
return.
A few days ago he told me how special I was and told me he
was still in love with me and missed me so much. He told me
he was always proud to be by my side and told me he thought
of me often and that I was beautiful and missed how we would
write songs together and sing. He even told me I was the
Best woman he has ever been with. And I told him I still
loved him too and missed him with all my heart and all my
soul but we have a problem now and we both are very caring
to people around us. See now we have other partners and we
don't have the heart to hurt them because for one I know Ken
has been hurt 3 times in his life by women leaving him for
another man and I am not sure of Rick's girlfriend's past
relations but I do see the pain in Ken's eyes still from his
heartbreaks and I won't be the cause of another. So now I
have to live once again with this yearning inside me and the
need to be with Rick because I ca't leave Ken without him
wanting me to go himself. All I can say is I love Ken very
much and I thank him for taking my child and me into his
life and sheltering us from the pain I felt when I let Rick
go and for saving me from the mental abuse that my ex was
throwing at me and saving my childs future because she is
graduating this year with High grades compared to the
failing grade she had where we once lived, also for treating
my daughter like his on I do Thank Ken very much so. But I
also want to thank Rick for letting me experience true love
because he did a lot for me too and to let the whole world
know I still am very much I n love with him and no matter
how hard I try I will carry him inside my heart till the day
I die because I want so bad to be with him but I can't do
that to Ken and he surely can't do that to his Lady either.
Aching Inside Always, M |
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