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This
article courtesy of HomeLife magazine
Two years ago as I hung the ornaments on my tree and put my
ceramic Baby Jesus in the manger, I had more than the
holidays on my mind. A diamond ring sparkled on my left
hand. After years of teaching me contentment and comfortable
singleness, God had led me to say yes to Bill Page – a godly
man who was an old friend, a widower, and a pastor. On
December 30, 2001, Bill and I married. So this month I want
to share with you a love story – but not the one you think.
When my first husband died 16 years ago, many people quoted
Psalm 68:5 and Isaiah 54:5 and tried to comfort me by
saying, “God will be your husband.” It didn’t work.
I repeatedly told the Lord, “I want You to be my God. I
don’t want you to be my spouse. I want a flesh-and-blood
husband.” God did not get mad or withdraw. He stayed close
and waited.
As my grief lessened and my single parenting intensified, I
turned to the Lord as never before – as I had turned to my
husband before he died. And God’s Spirit responded, speaking
comfort and giving direction. I experienced the reality of
having a divine partner. As the years went by, I took for
granted the intimacy I shared with God. I didn’t analyze it
or think about it; I just lived it. But this year was
different.
I had been remarried for three months when my first
awareness of the change came. Praying as I drove to my
teaching job, I sensed an indefinable change. God was still
there. He was listening, and He loved me. But earlier that
morning, I had talked with Bill about many of the things I
was now praying about. The “no other one” intimacy with God
I had as a single woman was now filled by my flesh-and-blood
husband.
When I figured out the difference, my prayer changed to
thanksgiving for the privilege of experiencing God in a
unique way because of my needs as a single woman.
Two months later, however, I wasn’t so thankful. I was
preparing to speak at my first women’s retreat since getting
married, and I felt afraid. Would no longer having my
single-life neediness for God affect the depth of my
speaking? After wrestling with my thoughts for a couple of
weeks, I burst into tears one night. Bill asked what was
wrong, and I did my best to explain. He had been a widower
for a couple of years, so he had a sense of what I meant;
and he realized that my additional 13 years of being alone
had left a strong reality of a divine presence.
It helped to be understood, but his next comment helped me
even more:
“You know how you’re going to speak on the topic of ‘New
Every Morning’ from Lamentations 3? Well, God is allowing
you to live that now. You’re experiencing Him in a new,
married way.”
My husband’s words changed my fretting to thinking. As a
single person, the same Holy Spirit who so often had spoken
directly to me, now often spoke through my husband. I
thought back to the mornings I’d talked to Bill about my
retreat topics and content. Each time, he’d made comments
that helped me focus my sharing. God was just as near and
helpful, but now He had another way to help and direct me –
through my husband.
The retreat was great, and my positive attitude toward my
husband even rubbed off on many of the ladies; and they,
too, began speaking well of their mates. It was a new
addition to the results God produced when I spoke.
Every single person has an incredible opportunity to find
God in a unique, intimate way. So when you decorate your
tree and wrap gifts this holiday season, take a moment to
thank the Lord for His Emanuel – the God-with-us child born
2,000 years ago – and realize that your love story with Him
is the greatest one ever told.
Deborah Hedstrom-Page, the mother of four adult
children, lives in Salem, Oregon. She is the author of over
250 magazine articles and a number of books. |
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