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Alternative Love Story

by Trevor

I was a senior in high school. I was bi-sexual and very lonely. I felt like I was the only person in the world that was like me (bi). I did not have many friends, as I am not really the type of person that people think of as a best friend. I was not very often invited to do things.

I was so lonely and in a dark place. Finally, I went online to a chatroom for gay teens. After much searching, I was messaged by this guy. We began talking, and quickly realized that we have an incredible amount of similarities. We were the same sexually, and we were both lonely and looking for a friend. We were both from the same state, and we had the same interests and hobbies. We exchanged phone numbers, and began texting. We would text for hours and hours every day.

We began noticing that we are essentially the same person. He was the same as I was with friends, in that neither of us have a best friend. We had all of the same likes, dislikes, pet peeves. Our minds were the same, we thought the same on things, and we had all of the same opinions. We became very good friends. We realized that we were each other's best friend.

Neither of us had ever had such a mutual best friendship. We told each other everything. We had no secrets, and we were happy. We were both truly happy for the first time in either of our lives. We gave each other advice, and we were always there for one another. We were to each other what neither of us had in our lives in our towns, a true caring friend. We began talking on the phone, and we would literally talk for hours at night.

We even talked for five hours once. Even our parents and friends noticed that both of us seemed different. My parents asked me if something had happened to make me so happy. My friends told me I was a lot more fun to be around now then I used to be. His friends said similar things to him. We helped each other come out of our sad "shell." Naturally, we began to fall in love. We cared about each other so much that the love just developed, even though we didn't mean it to. We finally told each other we loved each other, and we both felt the same and were happy. As the months passed, we just got closer and closer. Our love just got stronger. He was mine, I was his.

Eventually, we met during the summer. I drove down to his town to spend time with him. We just went to the mall, and walked around and talked and laughed and hugged, and it was really the best day of both our lives. After we went to dinner, we got in my car to listen to music and talk. We started hugging, and just held each other. After saying sweet things to each other, and hugging, I kissed him on the cheek. I asked if that was okay, for which he said yes and kissed me on the cheek back. We kissed on the lips, and started making out. We went on with that for a long time, and we went quite a bit further, if you know what I mean. This was the first time for both of us. We went our separate ways that day, completely happy and content. After that, our love just got stronger. It was love, true true love. We continued to talk and text constantly throughout the summer.

Both of us had prayed for a friend that was like us, someone who understands us, and our prayers were answered. I was content with my life, and he was content with his. Towards the end of the summer, he told me he was afraid that when I leave for college, I am going to forget about him. I quickly told him that would never happen, and that I would always love him and be there for him. I went down to see him again before I left for school.

We hugged and kissed, and sucked, and just held each other. Once when we were making out, I pulled back, put my forehead against his, and said, "Promise me you will not leave me. I care about you, and I need you, and I love you, so so much." He smiled, kissed me, and said, "I promise promise that I will never leave you. I am always going to be there for you." So we left that day, again completely satisfied with our lives, and loving the other. We decided to not take the title of boyfriend and boyfriend, simply because we decided that boyfriends can break up, but best friends cannot.

So I went off to college, and we continued to be there for each other, and he helped me through the difficulty of leaving home. I began to acclimate to college life, but the sole reason that I acclimated well was because I had him there to love me and help me. After several months in college, I began to notice a change in him. He began texting me less, and it had been a while since we had talked on the phone.

I questioned him of this, fearing that I had made him mad, and he simply said he was sorry and that he was busy with his sports and his school work, and his actual work. I accepted this and just did the best I could to talk as often as we could. But then the gap seemed to widen. He began not always answering my texts, and he never texted me first. Even when we would talk, he seemed more distant and uncaring.

This was not the same loving caring sweet person that I was so used to. I began to fall apart mentally and I finally asked him what was wrong and what I had done. He told me via text message that he didn't love me anymore. He also said that I annoy him with all of the texts. A pain rushed over me unlike something I have ever felt before. I cried, I cried more then I have ever cried in my life. He doesn't love me anymore! I don't know what I have done wrong. I am heartbroken. I need him, and I literally fall apart. I cannot stop crying.

I could't even hold myself together during class, and would have to deal with awkward stared from people as I cried. I love him still so much, but he doesn't love me. I get on Facebook several days later, and I see that he is now in a relationship with some girl! He didn't even tell me. I was broken, and still am broken.

I started seeing a clinical psychiatrist, to try and keep myself from sinking into depression, or worse. Everyday, I wonder how he is doing. How his life is, if he is happy and doing well. I always wanted him to be happy. I ask myself what I did wrong, but I never find the answer. Not only did I loose my first and only best friend, but I lost the person I love deeply.

I loose sight of what it feels like to be happy. I still think the world of him, and I still do not go a day without sobbing at least a little bit. I try to at least think about how happy I used to be. I try to appreciate him for showing me what true happiness feels like. I still love him, and I think I always will.

He made me promise once that I would always be his. I made him promise that he would always love me, and he would always be mine. I am going to always keep my promise, as long as I live, even though he didn't.

I will always love you, Nick.


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