How did I feel when I found out my daughter was a lesbian?
It's hard to say. It was a mixture of feelings. My first
thought was that life will be difficult for her. She is
different and so therefore she would suffer the consequences
of being different: suspicion, fear and rejection by the
so-called normal world.
She would carry a label: dangerous and contagious, stay
away, protect yourself! This made me feel sad at first, then
angry, then protective. How could I help my daughter? I
decided to learn more about homosexuality. Why does it
happen? Can it be cured? I later found out that the first
question, to date, has no answer, the second is a fallacious
one, because it is not a disease.
I read a lot, and that confused me. The opinions expressed
by various authors, in some cases, differed drastically,
based on their backgrounds and what they were trying to
It was my daughter who directed my wife and me to Parents of
Gays. It was then that I realized that I was not alone. The
same feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and sorrow were shared
by many. There was one feeling I did not share.
Some people were angry at their children for being
homosexuals, since they felt that it had brought shame on
Since my daughter has told us she's a lesbian and my wife
and I have learned more about sexual orientation, we have
become much closer to our daughter. Prior to this, there
were times when she seemed distant, unhappy, at times
impatient with us. This has all changed.
I could go on with many more details, but I think the
daughter made recently sums it all up: "Dad, I have never
been as happy and relaxed as I am now that you know and