I’m Bradella but my friends call me Brandy; I am 14 years
old and a sophomore. I am the average kind of girl; I’m not
popular however I got good grades in all my subjects. But
honestly I hate school. I only have few friends whom I can
trust; I am not new to my school hence I’ve been studying
there for 8 years since my first grade. I’m just not the
out-goer type, I am shy-I just stay at home during Saturdays
and Sundays and even during holidays. I don’t also attend
much to parties even if they had invited me.
Let me start my story during the opening of school; I enter
my school with my small bag filled with paper, a notebook
and a ballpen. It always been like that during first days,
we don’t go on with classes immediately, we use that day to
I went to my classroom; it’d been filled up with some
students I knew and some students which I only knew by
faces, I’ve seen them during freshmen years. I went to put
my bag on a vacant sit on the center row, and then headed
back outside to look for my friends. I saw Eunice one of my
closest friends. We talk for awhile until we heard the bell
rung signaling for the morning ceremony. We do this
everyday-sing the national anthem, and pray. After it the
bell would ring again signaling the start of classes.
My adviser was a guy-he is tall, a little bit chubby and
white. He seems to be funny and exciting. He introduces
himself to us, he is Mr. Valcour, and he’s also our biology
Next thing, he let us introduce ourselves one by one. The
first boy on the first row was the first one. I look at him
and listen; he’s one of the coolest guys during elementary
years, and of course ‘till now. He changed a lot but still
good looking. I knew him but I didn’t know his name. It’s
the first we’re on the same class-that’s why.
He’s names is Damian. He also mentions his hobbies-like
playing the guitar, one of the best volleyball players in
our school varsity and etc. isn’t that cool? I love guitars
and I wish I could have one, but frankly-I don’t know how to
play it. I love singing, some says I have a good voice-but
who knows they just don’t want to hurt my feelings.
I’ve been busy looking at him, and didn’t even realize it
was my turn. My teacher called my attention over and over
until he came right next to me and pinch my cheeks, yanking
me back to the present. Its very embarassing, everyone laugh
including my teacher except for him. He just look at me with
he’s cold eyes. I force a smile focusing my attention to the
class. I stood up reciting my name, my hobbies and some
things they didn’t know about me.
After classes I went to my friendss and discussed the things
that happened. I told them my story and then they laugh and
laugh-but I didn’t feel offended, because after all it was
the most embarassing thing that ever happened to me.
A few days later, I’ve developing feelings for him, but I
didn’t mind because this happens to me-as a teenager. A new
crush-that’s it. But I wonder why it only occurred to me
this time when I met him everyday during gradeschool. I
didn’t knew the answer but I didn’t bothered to asks my
friends though, because some might betray me, so I just kept
it as a secret.
I’ve been seeing him everyday, looking at him everyday,
stealing glances at him everyday until days turns into
months. And these feelings grew deeper and deeper until I
can’t hide it anymore. But as a shy girl, I’ve been cautious
to all my actions. But now I knew him even more. He isn’t
what I thought the first time he look at me. I thought he is
cold and rude but no-he isn’t like that at all. He is kind
and funny, sometimes we talk and he makes me laugh. We
became bestfriends or rather friends…
Or whatever you call it we just became close friends and
many had been jealous about it.
Those times when we talk and laugh together –I like it. I
even wanted us to stay like that forever but I have to spoil
those moments because I have to remind myself about my
growing feelings for him. I don’t want to tell him because
I’m afraid he doesn’t feel the same way.
One day, he came to me and I saw he’s eyes filled with
gloom. I ask him what is wrong and he told me without
hesitation that he just broke up with he’s
girlfriend-Stella. Stella belongs to the popular girls and
she almost had everything I do not have. But the negative
side of her is being bossy; she’s been my classmate a few
I knew he loved her a lot; our schoolmetes even called them
the HS sweethearts. To all our conversations together she
was the only subject, so I can’t help getting jealous. I
remember one time when I really get jealous that cause me to
leave him alone. That was when we are in the library doing
our projects together. He was the one who started up the
conversation and I was like saying to myself ‘I’m full of
this’ and ‘I’m full of that’, ‘could you please stop it’. I
stood up picking my things not realizing what I’m doing. He
asked me where I am going. And I said I was going to the
comfort room. He asked me again, why I need to bring my
stuffs in the comfort room. I didn’t know what to say next
so I headed to the door leaving him behind. When I opened
the door, Stella and her friends went coming in. I didn’t do
anything I just let them in first before I can get out. As I
closed the door, I look back to Damian as Stella went
‘Now that he’s single, maybe you could use this chance’, my
mind argues with me, but I didn’t listen. Yes, I might be
inlove with my bestfriend but no, I can’t use this
opportunity he needed a friend right now-not a lover.
I comforted him, letting his pain fades away, and letting
him cry. I was surprised when he said; “you’re the only one
who accepts me when I cry. She said, boy’s doesn’t cry
because it’s a sign of weakness. Although I didn’t believe
her, and I wanted to tell her it’s not a sign of weakness
but rather it’s a sign of being real. I cried many times not
letting her know, because when she did-she would leave me.
So I tried not to cry because I love her. But when I saw her
with somebody I felt betrayed and abandoned-.”
“But I’m always here,” I said.
“Yes, you’re always there. That’s why I’m very thankful that
I have you.”
I let him continue what he was saying earlier.”-I cried and
she saw me. You know what happened next?”
I looked at him, my eyes starting to water but I turned away
to wipe them.”She broke up with you” I said slowly and
quietly, that I’m not sure if he heard me.
He managed to smile a little; (yeah I guessed he heard what
I said).” No, she didn’t…” he said, still tears falling down
his angelic face.”…I broke up with her.”
I was shocked; I thought he loved her, why would he break up
Is that really what love is? - To let go?
“Why?” I asked.
He grabbed my hankerchief into my arms and use it to wipe
he’s tears.” I realized she’s not worth it.”
“But you love her.”
“I love her but I also realized its just one sided.”
I gasped and and covered my mouth. “How dare she?”
He just smiled. “I guessed she didn’t love me the way I’d
loved her. When I broke up with her she didn’t even cry, I
thought she would but she didn’t, however she said ‘thank
I gasped again. In disbelief I told myself, ‘who wouldn’t
love this boy who is ever so loving, caring and honest?
Maybe he’s the last kind of good natured boys who thinks
love is a precious thing.’
We fell silent for a moment, and then he straightened up and
said,” I guess I’ll just wait for the right girl to come,
for the moment I will focus to my studies as I wait for
It’s been a while since he uttered that word ‘studies’ he’s
been busy wasting his time with Stella the past few months.
I smiled and he smiled back, the kind of smile he gave to
Stella everyday, the smile I had been longing since the day
I saw him.
The next day he arrives at school early than the usual time
he came 5 mins. Before the bell would ring, he’d been late
‘He’s really looking forward to his studies,’ I observed.
After classes we meet at the library to do our homeworks,
that’s the only chance we talk and be with each other. Rumor
has it that it was because of me Damian and Stella broke up.
It begun to spread to the whole campus, but I didn’t mind-as
long as I am with him, I’ll be fine, safe and protected.
As days passed, he didn’t talk about Stella anymore nor
mention her name once. It made me happy though for some
reason it also made me sad, it is as if theres some thing he
doesn’t want to tell me, things that kept he’s heart
shattering into pieces.
The next day was Saturday; he called me to go out, but
difinitely not a date-just going out as friends. I always
hesitate when he’s asking me to go out, because I’m not an
out-goer-remember. But today I didn’t hesitate nor think
twice, I heard the trembling of his voice on the phone-he
has been crying. I told him I’ll be there a minute and he
said he’ll meet at the park.
I rode a taxi going to our meeting place. I saw him sitting
on the bench-alone. I immediately approach him and saw he’s
face all red from crying.
I fumbled in my pocket for my hankerchief and offered it to
him as I sit beside him. He was relly boo-hooing now, and
passerby’s wouls stop and stare at us. He didn’t mind-I to
didn’t mind. He started talking about what had happened. He
told me he’d seen Stella with that guy again, and admitted
he still didn’t get over her. And then suddenly he asked me
this question, “If I’m gone will you miss me?”
I stared at him and I can not move. How would I react? He
isn’t joking around, he’s serious. I run those words into my
If I’m gone will you miss me?
If I’m gone will you miss me?
If I’m gone will you miss me....?
The things that first came into my mind were, he’s telling
me he wants to kill himself or want to far away. Why would
he need to run away? It made me cry from the thought itself,
I turned around so he wouldn’t notice it.
He looks at me waiting for my response but nothing came into
my mouth and it hurts me and made me cry even more.
Love is so unconditional; if only I’ve seen it coming I
should have controlled and fought it. This situation is too
hard. It’s too hard to stand and to hard to bare.
When will he ever realized how much I love him?
Why did I fall inlove with my bestfriend?
We are two people put together, but couldn’t be together due
to moral senses. I felt torn and devastated. I had to admit
the fact that all he can give me is friendship and nothing
Is this all we`d ever be? Is this all we ever could be?
Why wouldn’t he just choose me, and let me be the one?
Why can’t be the two of us?
Why can’t he love me?
I hate seeing him hurting himself and I hate to ruin this
friendship though I love him.
I love even he loves someone else-someone who doesn’t
deserve these tears. She’s not the one who’s always on he’s
side when he need a shoulder to lean on, she’s not when he
needs somebody to care for him, she’s not there when he
She wasn’t there. She never did.
I was the one who is always there for him.
I’m the one cares for him for than I care for myself.
Why does he need to feel this way for her?
These where the things I wanted to tell him-but can not.
He continued to tell me something more but I did not
intended to listen until I heard ‘dropping and ‘migrating’.
I asked him about it and he said, ‘he’s dropping school and
they’re migrating to US’.
My heart started to break apart. US! I don’t think I could
get any farther away.
I musn’t cry; letting him get away might be the only way he
can get he’s heart back and to let him start again.
I must let him go for the best…
I must let him go to find he’s way-he’s life…
I must let him go to find the better girl for him that will
love him and care more that I do…
And I must let him go for I love him and wish all the best…
Without telling him how much I love him.
Before we went apart he gave me something to remember, a
bracelet that he had kept for Stella but hadn’t gave it. He
wanted me to keep it and to take good care of it.
So that day we bid goodbye to each other and hug for the
very last time. In my mind I said, ‘if we don’t cross ever
again-I bid you goodbye…forever, my best friend and my only
love. I love you forever.’
Weeks and months had passed since the day he left. And I’m
still hoping that someday he’ll come back… and someday…I
wish he’ll also feel the same way about me.